First off if you were expecting a positive post today than I apologise because this isn’t it. This is pretty much a raw, emotional and honest post.
For anyone that follows me on Twitter or follows my blog you will know that I am a supportive and positive person. I can’t do enough for people. But I think what people need to realise is that even though I’m positive and supportive; I kind of need that too. I spend my free time talking to alot of people, trying to cheer them up, trying to be there and make them feel maybe a little better, so why is it that I don’t get it back?
Like what is wrong with me?!! Is it because I’m drama free, therefore making me bland and boring, because I wish I knew. Not knowing is part of whats been upsetting me. I’ve spent years trying so bloody hard to move on from the bullying and get my self worth back up to a level that I’m happy with, only to be left with doubt about what it is I’m doing wrong.
People going all quieter on me then before…I mean what is all that about, if you have a problem talk to me, it’s much more cruel to just act differently towards me rather than do the sensible thing and talk. Support is a powerful thing and all I seem to do is dish it out, which is fine, thats who I am; but when you don’t get that back from people, that hurts..I’m not a give to receive kind of person but come on I’m human too!! People need to stay level headed and not let their massive increase of followers get to their head, because I’ll tell you something darling, you started out in the same place as we all did and if being a mean girl makes you feel better with your life then you crack on, just know that it can hurt people in the process.
One other thing about why being nice gets you nowhere. I class alot of people as friends (maybe I shouldn’t but that’s who I am), now imagine when that doesn’t get returned, when you are not classed as a friend, because I’m nice it crushes me. My husband would obviously tell me ‘Claire, they don’t matter , don’t let them get you down’ while he is clearly correct on every level, I care. I’m a fool for caring about some issue that clearly means nothing to the other person. I’ve probably come to terms with the fact that this is exactly how my life will be for years to come.
This post isn’t aimed at anyone in particular, this is just a general thing based around things that I’ve experienced recently.
Honestly, I wish I wasn’t nice – it brings hurt, tears and heartache and most of all it feels like it gets you nowhere.